just a contemplation
by RenoGokuKakashi
Summary: a short contemplation on Lights feelings towards Misa while in bed together [MisaxLight]


_just a short story about my view on Lights feelings for Misa yes ok we kind of get the feeling that he uses her and that he doesnt have any feelings for her so i though id right down what he could think seeing how misaxlight is my fav pairing for DN. considering everything shes done for him and stuff. well this only took me an hour to right but has been in my head for ages its complete but i might be planning on writting a fanfiction for this and throwing in L somewhere amongst the romance lol. _

Light POV

... (O-O) ...

As I lay there looking down on this simpleminded girl I began to contemplate on what exactly I was to her.

Every thought that had encircled itself in my head prying and forcing itself upon my every movement and driving me to the breach of insanity Was being recalled and set free this very minute.

Of course She was always there for me whenever I needed a sick twisted plot to be carried out all I would have to do was call upon her and she would bow to my every need. Ironically, she is the only human being that knows my secret and that went as far as to share it with me letting her entire world collapse on what others would call simply a silly little crush.

And although I never showed true affection, all those countless times I pushed her away even now she will always be there for me when I need her. Never in my life will I meet anyone that is as devoted to me as she is. The very though is annoying although this same annoying though has fueled a different sort of perception lately that has caused me to ponder over it many times in frustration. To be wanted, to be needed, for your mere existence being that important that fuels another beings will to live it holds so much power and I Light have always been one to devour and crave anything that gave me power.

Nevertheless, more then that to some extent it gave my own life some dare I say it meaning. Causing me to watch her seeming less slow-witted and cheerful personality and wonder if there is something deeper to what is viewed from the outside. Reading into her actions and movements, I have reason to discover a complex and difficult girl that although always happy carries much strife. In a way, it causes me discomfort knowing that her personality is merely a protective shell hiding her from the reality of sadness. She has told me that she does not want to feel strife does not want to spend precious moments feeling sorry for herself. But she admitted those moments when reminiscing on them never once seemed precious. Just a disguise to hide what she truly feels.

And after hearing those very words from that time onwards I find every moment that I spend with her is spent finding myself thinking of nothing but her and her intriguing hidden agenda, I study her every movement and sometimes admiring her features, the way her voice sounds whispering through my ear, the sensation of her touch against my skin. My mind obsessed with nothing else but that.

And it drives me crazy knowing that everything had to change, that I suddenly discovered these petty emotions that I threw away a long time ago. But Now even though I wont admit it I'm not sure if I could live. Not knowing her in my life seems pointless and somewhat terrifying. Every time I find myself starring into her eyes frozen by her pure innocents and beauty I try desperately to be in motion and hide away my feelings and although they seem to work verbally underneath the flesh and skin my attempts are futile.

The truth I'm not scared of many things. L and his detective band although my life is in danger does not phase me. Her death god threatens to end my life but I'm not scared. Knowing everyday second of my life I will never be out of complete risk of dying has no importance to me. However, the truth is I am scared of something and now I know what it is. I'm terrified of thinking these things, the fact that I now know they might over power my every movements and thoughts if they have not already done so. I need my cruelty and passive personality, I want to only care for myself. No one should conjure up these feeling I am a god a pure self-obsessed power seeking god but it's not like that anymore.

Now when where laying in bed her arms encircled while she rests on my now unresponsive body, I hear the words I have dreaded upon hearing for a long time now.

"Light I love you"

For the first time in twenty-five minutes I look down acknowledging she's there. I find myself starring into her eyes apart of me yearns to admit that everyday since we met my view on her has changed, that everyday the feeling of needing her grows. That having her with her arms encircled around me not responding not holding her protecting her every second is slowly killing me. That its has taken me so long but I finally realized that without her in my life, it would be nothing but a black empty hole, and that yes even though I am god I would go so far as to give up all power

And would be willing to give up my life to keep hers.

These thoughts running in my mind I stare into her eyes and simply look into her.

"Do you love me too light?" she asks her timing prefect and it seems as if time and this moment are conspiring to make my heart its favor in this endless battle between my mind.

I look into her now pleading eyes wondering if she's expecting me to answer the same way I always do.

Nevertheless, I give her an answer "No"

I watch as her lit eyes dull and apart of her heart is ripped and shredded in front of me. Without saying a word she slowly rest down on my chest keeping in the tears that threaten to explode any minute she knows that's the last thing she should do considering how crying only annoys me.

It been along time since she's asked this question and to long ago whenever I was asked this question my answer would always simply be "Yes"

That's Probably why it hurt so much hearing the one you truly love admit that they do not think about you, care for you the way you do.

Yes Misa is none the wiser. This time when she asked me if I loved her for the first time I truly contemplated and considered my feelings for her. yes this time when I said No for the first time out of all those times I gave her an answer It was the closest thing to meaning Yes.

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**well done hope you enjoyed it.. by the way where are all the LightxMisa fanfics there seems to be more for MisaxL doesnt anyone else out there consider that it isnt a one sided relationship? constructive critism accepted anythings good really **


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